Episode 319
Why Demand Avoidance Hits ADHD Entrepreneurs So Hard [Ep 319]
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If you’re a service provider, coach, consultant, freelancer, or creative entrepreneur with ADHD (or other forms of neurodivergence), you’ve probably asked yourself:
"Why can’t I just get this done?"
Whether it's following up with leads, posting on social, sending the invoice, or even responding to a client email—some days your brain just says… nope. This episode is about what’s really going on underneath that resistance: demand avoidance.
Inside this episode, you’ll learn:
- What demand avoidance actually is (and why it’s not a mindset problem)
- How it shows up in business for ADHD entrepreneurs
- Why it quietly costs you time, energy, and sales
- How to work with your brain instead of shaming yourself into action
- Simple, practical strategies to reduce resistance and create structure with fluidity
Whether you’ve been officially diagnosed or you just feel this deeply, this conversation will help you move with more awareness and ease in your business—without trying to force yourself into a system that doesn’t fit.
🎧 Want more unfiltered strategy and real-time business insight?
Check out Back Pocket Insights, my private podcast community with short, story-driven episodes pulled straight from everyday life and client conversations.
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About the Host:
Michelle DeNio is a business strategist and growth advisor for service-based entrepreneurs, especially neurodivergent and ADHD business owners. Creator of the Focused Visionary Accelerator and host of The Real Truth About Business podcast, she helps clients simplify, focus, and grow sustainably. With 15+ years in business operations, she’s known for turning big ideas into simple, profitable action plans.
Transcript
Okay.
Speaker A:Today's episode is for my ADHD years in my audience, and even for those that don't necessarily have adhd, I'm sure that this episode is going to resonate for you, too.
Speaker A:So I want to open this episode by asking you this question and tell me if it sounds familiar.
Speaker A:Have you ever had a task sitting on your to do list for weeks on weeks on weeks, and you know, it would only take you five minutes to do?
Speaker A:Or maybe every time you go to follow up with a lead or post on social media or respond to a client email, your brain just shuts down, Right?
Speaker A:And you think, you find something else to do.
Speaker A:And you think, man, I just.
Speaker A:Maybe you're feeling kind of lazy, right?
Speaker A:Like, sometimes we feel lazy or we wonder, like, what's wrong with me?
Speaker A:And here's the thing.
Speaker A:You're likely dealing with something called demand avoidance.
Speaker A:And I recently learned that there was an actual name for this.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:But it's a real thing, and a lot of us struggle with it.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:And it's quietly costing you time and energy and sales.
Speaker B:All right?
Speaker A:And so I want to dive into this one today, because, like I said, whether you're ADHD or not, I don't think that.
Speaker A:I think people with ADHD tend to struggle with this more.
Speaker A:However, I have seen this in a lot of clients.
Speaker A:So we're talking about it.
Speaker A:You ready to dive in?
Speaker A:Okay, so let's talk about this.
Speaker A:Let's talk about what this is.
Speaker A:What is demand avoidance?
Speaker A:Again, I didn't even know that this had a name until recently until I started really doing more research into the ADHD brain and niche and all the things.
Speaker A:Because, again, you know, one of the things that is important to me is that I want to make sure that I feel very well educated before I start talking about something.
Speaker A:And so as I started to, you know, think about niching down a little bit and really talking about how I serve ADHD business owners, I wanted to make sure that I had as much knowledge as possible.
Speaker A:And so I had a couple clients myself.
Speaker A:And I realized, like, this demand avoidance is.
Speaker A:It's a real legit thing right?
Speaker A:Now, I know those of you that have studied ADHD for years are probably like, of course it is, Michelle.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:But not everybody knew there was a name to it.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And that's why I wanted to talk about it today, because I'm sure there are people out there that are struggling with this and think it's just something wrong with them.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Like, it's easy to think, like, what is wrong with me.
Speaker A:My brain is freaking broken.
Speaker A:Like, what is wrong with my motivation?
Speaker A:We tend to think it's a motivation issue and it's not.
Speaker A:So what is demand avoidance?
Speaker A:I think sometimes in the ADHD community they call it pda.
Speaker A:Now that I said that, I can't even remember what the P stands for.
Speaker A:Let me pba.
Speaker A:I can't remember.
Speaker A:I'll have to look it up.
Speaker A:Pathological demand avoidance.
Speaker A:Demand avoidance is what I call it.
Speaker A:Okay, so it is the reflective resistance to things you are told or even that you tell yourself you have to do.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:You have to do.
Speaker A:This is not a mindset issue.
Speaker A:It's a nervous system.
Speaker A:It's nervous system based.
Speaker A:And ADHD brains often experience everyday tasks as pressure and that creates an automatic nope, nope.
Speaker A:I. I mean, I've been there.
Speaker A:It's so funny because, I mean, this is my biggest demand avoidance trigger is laundry.
Speaker A:Like, I don't know what it is about that, but the second I feel like I have to do laundry now if I just want to do laundry, which is almost never, it's like my nemesis.
Speaker A:I don't know what it is about laundry, but when I feel like I have to do it, like, have to do it to pack or go on, like, it's.
Speaker A:I hate it.
Speaker A:I. I mean, I will.
Speaker A:This will trigger this so quickly for me and it shows up strongest.
Speaker A:So for.
Speaker A:In general, it shows up the strongest when the stakes are really high, visibility is involved, or the task feels required.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:And again, what I think is important to note here is that this is not just about other people telling you what to do.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:This is oftentimes you telling yourself what to do as well.
Speaker A:And that triggers it as well.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Like anytime it feels like it's required to do it or we have to do it, that is where this gets triggered.
Speaker A:So one of the things, Here's a couple things that it can look like in business.
Speaker A:So it could be like avoiding your inbox.
Speaker A:So those of you I know, I have a lot of friends.
Speaker A:I am not this person that is.
Speaker A:That avoids my inbox.
Speaker A:I, like, I'm an inbox zero kind of girl, but I know many of you are not.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So avoiding your inbox.
Speaker A:Here's a big one.
Speaker A:Not sending the invoice.
Speaker A:Not sending an invoice.
Speaker A:You would think, why wouldn't you send the invoice?
Speaker A:You want to get paid.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:You would be shocked to know.
Speaker A:And maybe you're listening and you're not shocked that a lot of people really struggle to just Send an invoice, right?
Speaker A:The client said, yes, they're ready to get started.
Speaker A:Um, I had a.
Speaker A:A client who really, really struggled with this, and she is not adhd, right.
Speaker A:So, but sending the invoice was a big one for her.
Speaker A:Ghosting a content plan.
Speaker A:I think in general content plans, the reason we ghost them is sometimes because they don't really ever feel in alignment.
Speaker A:So I don't necessarily know, but I think it's more of just the in general of the posting, the staying consistent, all of that.
Speaker A:When it comes to visibility in general, whether that's applying for me, the where.
Speaker A:Where this shows up the most invisibility is applying for getting guest expert spots or podcast interviews or speaking opportunities.
Speaker A:Like, the fact that I have to fill out those forms drives me crazy.
Speaker A:Like, it.
Speaker A:That is the one thing that I will avoid.
Speaker A:Like, because I have to do it.
Speaker A:I have to do it to get approved.
Speaker A:I have to do it to, you know, even get my name in the hat.
Speaker A:And it's like.
Speaker A:But I just, I hate it.
Speaker A:I don't enjoy doing it.
Speaker A:Okay, Letting follow up slide.
Speaker A:This is a big one.
Speaker A:Big, big, big one.
Speaker A:Follow up, follow up.
Speaker A:And I know there's a lot of issues there.
Speaker A:Why people don't follow up.
Speaker A:It's sales, it's this.
Speaker A:It's, you know, uncomfortable.
Speaker A:Don't want to feel salesy, don't want to bug people.
Speaker A:I understand all of that, but sometimes it could just be that it's because it's required.
Speaker A:It's something, you know, you have to do.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:So this is what I'm saying.
Speaker A:Like, really, this is something I want you to just kind of think about and start having a little bit of a different mindset around.
Speaker A:Is like, is, am I making up all of these mindset things, right?
Speaker A:Am I creating these stories in my head or is this really, truly just that my nervous system does not want to do this.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:And so that's why I wanted to talk about this today, because I think it's easy for us to create stories around the things that we don't do do, when in reality there could be like a true actual reason why you're not doing it.
Speaker A:And if this demand avoidance is one of them, then we have to work with it, right?
Speaker A:Because you can't work against it.
Speaker A:You cannot work against it.
Speaker A:Okay, So a couple other places that it kind of, I see it sneak in, in my client specifically is resisting scheduling calls, launching, finishing that freaking sales page, writing the sales page, you know, finishing the website.
Speaker A:Just anything that anything that's, like, required, really, when you think about it.
Speaker A:Like, I don't even.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:This comes up for me so often in my business.
Speaker A:I could give you a million examples in just.
Speaker A:In a couple.
Speaker A:In a day's time.
Speaker A:And, like, one of the things that I've been needing to do, you know, I have the retreat.
Speaker A:I have my focus Visionary retreat that I do at the end of the year, which I really have not promoted this year just because of life and all the things, but I have.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:So I have a small group coming.
Speaker A:And so this year, I was like, well, it's only a small group.
Speaker A:I need to book a house.
Speaker A:Let's just do that.
Speaker A:And I can't tell you the times I have scrolled and scrolled and scrolled on.
Speaker A:On Airbnb and vrbo, and I just, like, haven't booked it, even though I have to do it.
Speaker A:Like, I'm gonna lose it if I don't do it, right?
Speaker A:Like, it's season.
Speaker A:It's busy season down here.
Speaker A:It's in November.
Speaker A:I have to do this.
Speaker A:Like, I cannot keep delaying this.
Speaker A:But it's like one of those things of, like.
Speaker A:But I have to, like, go get my credit card and, you know, send the email and then collect the payment from the.
Speaker A:It's just, like, so stupid.
Speaker A:But it's these things, right?
Speaker A:It's like, it's.
Speaker A:It will literally take me five minutes to book it.
Speaker A:I already even know what house I'm going to book.
Speaker A:I just haven't booked it, right.
Speaker A:Feeling resentful of your calendar, even though you created it, right?
Speaker A:Like, feeling like you created this and you opened up all these spots.
Speaker A:This is another one that I saw really happen with a couple clients is they booked a bunch of calls and they were, like, super resentful of it.
Speaker A:They couldn't stand it.
Speaker A:They didn't want to have all these calls on their calendar.
Speaker A:It felt overwhelming.
Speaker A:It felt like, why am I having to do all of this?
Speaker A:And it's like, but you did this to yourself, right?
Speaker A:Like, you opened up all of these spots.
Speaker A:If you didn't want to do it, you shouldn't have opened up all these spots.
Speaker A:But we do it because in the moment, it feels good.
Speaker A:But then when we have to execute, then that becomes another issue, right?
Speaker A:Like, that's when things start to feel difficult.
Speaker A:And so anyway, and then just telling yourself, like, I just need more discipline or I'll get to it later.
Speaker A:I need more discipline.
Speaker A:I need more motivation.
Speaker A:I'm not motivated.
Speaker A:For me, it's always Motivation.
Speaker A:It's like, why am I not motivated to do this?
Speaker A:I can't get my motivation up when in reality it.
Speaker A:There isn't a single ounce of motivation in the world that's going to help me.
Speaker A:I just have to do it, right?
Speaker A:I just, I.
Speaker A:It's one of those things that I just got to get done.
Speaker A:So, you know, again, it's like, okay, yeah, these things show up.
Speaker A:But like really, it's really costing you things.
Speaker A:Like it's really costing a lot in business by not acknowledging it.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:Again, I am not here saying like push through your demand avoidance or that it's not a real thing.
Speaker A:It is, absolutely.
Speaker A:I live it every day.
Speaker A:I get it.
Speaker A:But what I'm saying is that you have to understand how it's affecting your business, right?
Speaker A:The lost sales, the missed follow ups, the, you know, lack of trust with leads because you didn't do what you said you were gonna do.
Speaker A:You didn't follow up, right?
Speaker A:Like these things all kind of happen and we don't realize it.
Speaker A:You know, that internal guilt, that emotional fatigue, the breaking of the momentum that's so hard to get back once you break your momentum.
Speaker A:The low grade anxiety, that just drains that executive function, right?
Speaker A:And so again, executive function is something a lot of ad business owners struggle with as well.
Speaker A:And so add in a little bit of anxiety or add in like this emotional fatigue and now your executive function is going to even be, you know, at an all time low, right?
Speaker A:It's going to really affect that.
Speaker A:So how can you work with your brain in this situation?
Speaker A:Okay, the biggest and easiest thing that you can do is remove should from your internal dialogue.
Speaker A:I should do this, I should do that, I should be doing this, I should be doing that, right?
Speaker A:Like the second you start shooting all over yourself, that's going to trigger that brain, right?
Speaker A:It's going to trigger that response immediately and shifting from like, I have to get this done to I choose to or I'm allowed to.
Speaker A:And again, these are small shifts and it takes time.
Speaker A:This is something that you, I still, you know, and forever going, I have to get this done, I have to do this, right?
Speaker A:But even like little things of, for me it's easier to just say like, well, you don't have to, but don't you want to, right?
Speaker A:Like, don't you want to do it?
Speaker A:Because in reality, a lot of the times they are things I want to do, right?
Speaker A:Like I want to do these things.
Speaker A:Like even as something as simple.
Speaker A:This morning, this morning the dishwasher was still, like, full.
Speaker A:And my husband left early for work, and so the dishes were piled up, and usually he empties the dishwasher, but it was early this morning.
Speaker A:It was like.
Speaker A:And he probably didn't want to wake me up.
Speaker A:And I get that.
Speaker A:And so I was like, I'm not going to do that.
Speaker A:Like, I don't feel like I'm not going to do it.
Speaker A:I don't want to.
Speaker A:Why?
Speaker A:Because I have to do it.
Speaker A:Like, I have to.
Speaker A:You know, I don't have to.
Speaker A:The dishes can sit there, right?
Speaker A:But at the end of the day, it's like, what?
Speaker A:I had to kind of reframe my mindset around that again, because that's where this demand avoidance picks up, is like, no, I really want to do this.
Speaker A:And I wanted to do it because I know if my husband comes home and that dishwasher is still full, that will send, like, he's so ocd, that'll drive him crazy.
Speaker A:And he's working really hard.
Speaker A:He's working two jobs right now.
Speaker A:Like, he's tired, he's busy.
Speaker A:I'm home, I have the time.
Speaker A:Like, I just want to do this.
Speaker A:Like, I want to do this for him, right?
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:Not for me.
Speaker A:In all honesty, like, I could give a.
Speaker A:If the dishes sit in the sink, I mean, eventually I'll clean it up, but it's like an end of day task for me, not a morning task.
Speaker A:But again, it was more that it's like, no, I want to do this.
Speaker A:No, I. I want to do this.
Speaker A:It's going to take me five minutes to freaking do it and just get it done.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:And so I think you can reframe it if, like, the I choose to or I'm allowed to is like, I want to.
Speaker A:Like, you want to do this.
Speaker A:Especially, like, with your calendar wanting to sell, you know, get your sales page done, or wanting to, like, even booking the house with, you know, for the retreat.
Speaker A:Like, I really want to because I'm afraid I'm gonna lose that freaking house, you know, like, took me forever to find one that would only allow me to book four days.
Speaker A:And da, da, da, da, da.
Speaker A:And had enough beds and, you know, I spent a ton of time and now here I am, like, on the edge of losing it.
Speaker A:Because all.
Speaker A:Because why?
Speaker A:I have no good reason, right?
Speaker A:Because it's just something I have to get done.
Speaker A:But it's not even that.
Speaker A:It's that I want to, right?
Speaker A:And then break your tasks.
Speaker A:One of the other things that you can do to help this is Break your tasks into like, little micro actions that give you those dopamine hits, right?
Speaker A:Because especially for ADHD brains, we chase dopamine and we love little reward systems.
Speaker A:So whatever that looks like for you, right?
Speaker A:So even with the dishwasher, I think this morning one of the things was like, just get this done and then you can go.
Speaker A:I was, I wanted to take a bath this morning.
Speaker A:I had a headache and I just, you know, I'm still battling this cold.
Speaker A:And it was like, just do that and then you're going to go and relax.
Speaker A:And I did a hypno breath work and it was just like all the things I wanted to do, right?
Speaker A:And so it gave me that dopamine hit when I got out, it was already done, like, the task was done.
Speaker A:And it, that felt good too.
Speaker A:That was a dopamine hit, right?
Speaker A:So I think there's, again, there's ways that you can do this.
Speaker A:But also too, the biggest thing I think helps with this is giving yourself structure with fluidity.
Speaker A:And I say this all the time is like, that you need the structure to know, like, I've got, you know, I've got this, this and this on my plate.
Speaker A:But you need the freedom and flexibility and the fluidity to do those tasks in any set, in like any order, right?
Speaker A:Like, if you say, I have to get this done, this done and this done, and.
Speaker A:But you really want to do the thing that you said you would do last first, like, just allow that, right?
Speaker A:Like allow the flexibility of it and allow the freedom to kind of do other things.
Speaker A:Here's a couple other things that you can do is give yourself a little bit of prep time, right?
Speaker A:So a lot of times, again, this is that structure with fluidity.
Speaker A:So, like, if you know something is going to take you 30 minutes, give yourself an hour to do it, right?
Speaker A:So that gives you kind of time to think about it, gives you time to prep for it, set up visibility with support, right?
Speaker A:So this is one of the things that we're doing inside of Back Pocket Insights, which I think is really helpful in August, is that, you know, I did that promotion challenge and it's really, it's about getting visible, it's about talking about your offer.
Speaker A:But what's nice about it is this built in kind of accountability.
Speaker A:People can choose to be accountable or not.
Speaker A:There are some people that are not holding themselves accountable because they just don't want it, they don't need it, and that's okay.
Speaker A:But there are other people that are really appreciating those Check ins and knowing that everybody's doing the same thing and all of that, right?
Speaker A:So I also think just acknowledging it, right?
Speaker A:I think what's most important here is that understanding and acknowledging when you see and feel it coming up, like start to notice, start to notice where you find yourself constantly feeling like, I'll do that later.
Speaker A:I don't feel like doing that right now.
Speaker A:I don't want to do this, right?
Speaker A:Like, try to really look at it through the lens of fact, not emotion, of like, why, why is this so triggering to me?
Speaker A:Why is this, why do I not want to get this done?
Speaker A:And how can I change?
Speaker A:Like, what can I do differently to not feel so much resistance against this, right?
Speaker A:So that might be that you need accountability.
Speaker A:It might need mean that you need a little bit more flexibility.
Speaker A:It might mean, mean that you don't even have to freaking do the task to begin with, right?
Speaker A:Like, that's a big one.
Speaker A:I see again these shoulds of like, I should do this, I should do that.
Speaker A:And it's like, why?
Speaker A:You know, so I think it's all of those things.
Speaker A:But also just really understand that you are not broken.
Speaker A:This is not a discipline issue, this is not a motivation issue, right?
Speaker A:It's that you're trying to force yourself to operate in a way that your brain is never going to operate, right?
Speaker A:And you cannot shame yourself into consistency and doing, right?
Speaker A:You can.
Speaker A:Some people can just like shame themselves into like, I can't believe you didn't get that done.
Speaker A:Just go get that done.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:But that only lasts for so long, right?
Speaker A:So it's more about creating those systems that feel safe, right?
Speaker A:Again, this is a nervous system.
Speaker A:Like the nervous system feels this resistance.
Speaker A:The nervous system is what's being presented here.
Speaker A:And so you have to kind of ask yourself, like, what about this feels like a demand, right?
Speaker A:And because demands feel unsafe, right?
Speaker A:So what about this feels like a demand, right?
Speaker A:And rewrite the task in a way that's like, I want to do this, right?
Speaker A:And how can you turn it from a demand into a want, all right, that's, that will make a big difference.
Speaker A:And then also to like really just examining, like, do I even need to be doing this?
Speaker A:You know, because there is that, there's a level of that, like, do you even need to be doing this?
Speaker A:All right, so if you're noticing these patterns, you know, and you're feeling like, well, I, I see them, I feel them, but I don't know how to get out of it, right?
Speaker A:Like, I don't know how to create that structure with fluidity.
Speaker A:I don't know how to change and I don't know what I should or shouldn't be doing.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Like, that's a huge one.
Speaker A:All right, this is, you know, this is what we do inside of the Focus Visionary Accelerator, right?
Speaker A:Like, I want to help you to get beyond the demand avoidance.
Speaker A:And it's not even that you're going to get beyond it.
Speaker A:It's my.
Speaker A:My biggest goal inside of Focus Visionary is to create a system and to create a strategic plan that doesn't trigger the demand avoidance.
Speaker A:Because when you don't trigger it, you don't have to move through it.
Speaker A:And when you don't trigger it, you don't have to move, you know, you don't have to move beyond it.
Speaker A:You don't have to work with it.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:That's the thing is like, how can you get away from actually triggering it all the time?
Speaker A:Okay, so again, if you're really feeling stuck with that and you really feel like you're just continuing to trigger this demand avoidance all the time and you're starting to feel like it is really, really affecting your growth, then really, truly, like, either book a call, let's chat about it, or like really seriously consider the Focus Visionary Accelerator.
Speaker A:Again, that program is created specifically to help avoid all of this, right?
Speaker A:To not trigger it and to help work with your brain and not against it.
Speaker A:Okay, so hopefully this is a little bit of a learning for you.
Speaker A:Again, I thought it was very interesting to learn more about it.
Speaker A:I encourage you to do a little bit more research into it if you're curious about this topic.
Speaker A:Again, it's called demand avoidance.
Speaker A:Whether you're 80, ADHD or not, or neurodivergent or not.
Speaker A:I do think that there is a level of demand avoidance that we all struggle with as business owners.
Speaker A:And a lot of it comes down to the shoulds, right?
Speaker A:We should all over ourselves.
Speaker A:And it's just not healthy.
Speaker A:It's not healthy.
Speaker A:Your nervous system is giving you a sign and that demand avoidance is it.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:And so start being aware of it.
Speaker A:Start being aware of it and try to figure out when and how it shows up so that you can start to make some small changes so that it starts to show up less.
Speaker A:All right?
Speaker A:Love you, believe in you, talk to you soon.
