Episode 326
How Rejection Sensitivity Holds ADHD Entrepreneurs Back [Ep 326]
The Missing Piece was designed specifically for those with ADHD. If you are in a season of "stuck" and ready to break through it. 12 weeks of support for only $600! Check it out today!
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For ADHD entrepreneurs, rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) can quietly sabotage your business. It’s not laziness, it’s the way your brain processes rejection. Even perceived rejection (like no response to a DM) can feel like a gut punch, leading to over-delivering, procrastinating, or quitting too soon.
Whether you’re a coach, consultant, copywriter, designer, VA, or service provider navigating ADHD, this episode will help you understand RSD and build workarounds that keep your business moving.
You’ll learn:
- What RSD is and why it affects nearly every ADHD entrepreneur
- How it shows up in business (avoiding follow-up, over-delivering, delaying launches)
- The stories RSD creates that keep you stuck
- Practical workarounds to neutralize rejection and keep going
This is the real truth about growth, especially for neurodivergent service providers who need strategies that work with their brains, not against them.
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About the Host:
Michelle DeNio is a business strategist and growth advisor for service-based entrepreneurs, especially neurodivergent and ADHD business owners. Creator of the Focused Visionary Accelerator and host of The Real Truth About Business podcast, she helps clients simplify, focus, and grow sustainably. With 15+ years in business operations, she’s known for turning big ideas into simple, profitable action plans.
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Here's your Next Steps:
- Take the "Where's the Gap in Your Business Strategy" Quiz
- Connect with Michelle on LinkedIn, Instagram, Threads or Facebook
- Visit my website to learn more and apply for the Focused Visionary Accelerator
- Sign up for my newsletter - Sunday Morning Brew - delivered every Sunday at 6 am
Research Links:
Transcript
Okay, today's episodes for my ADHD in the house.
Speaker A:And even if you don't have ADHD, this episode is 100 for you.
Speaker A:And we are talking about avoiding sending follow up messages because maybe you didn't want to seem pushy or delaying a launch because you feared no one would buy.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:Maybe thinking that you're lazy, but it's not.
Speaker A:It's rejection sensitivity dysphoria.
Speaker A:And for ADHD entrepreneurs, it can quietly kind of sabotage your business, but it can also show up in a lot of different ways in life.
Speaker A:And I've been learning so much more about this, and I want to make sure that I come to you with facts and information.
Speaker A:And so I've got some stats and things that I want to talk about, but really, I really want to talk about how to move through it and work with it instead of allowing it to hold you back.
Speaker A:Okay, so we're diving in to rejection sensitivity dysphoria.
Speaker A:All right, so first and foremost, in plain terms, what is rsd?
Speaker A:From here on out, we're going to refer to it as rsd because rejection sensitivity dysphoria is like a lot of words, so it's rsd.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker A:RSD is not just the fear of rejection.
Speaker A:And this is something that I had to really learn.
Speaker A:And the more I've learned about this, I, I see all of the different ways that this shows up in my life, in my marriage, in my business, with clients, et cetera.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:And we're going to talk about that.
Speaker A:But it is the intensity of how rejection feels.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:And even perceived rejection of no response, neutral feedback can feel like a gut punch.
Speaker A:But let's, before we dive into it too far, let's really talk about some facts.
Speaker A:All right?
Speaker A:Because I want to go with facts.
Speaker A:So 99%.
Speaker A:This is according to Neurodivergent Insights.
Speaker A:And a Dr. William Dodson estimated that 99% of individuals with ADHD experience RSD at some point, and approximately one third of those consider it the most challenging aspect of their adhd.
Speaker A:One third, Right.
Speaker A:That's a big number.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker A:And then a couple of others.
Speaker A:Let's, let's look at some other stats here.
Speaker A:I'm, I'm reading it obviously, because I wanted to make sure I had my, my facts straight, that resources like Simply Psychology know that RSD is simply significantly more prevalent among those with adhd, although it's not like the only formal diagnosis.
Speaker A:So whether or not you have formal diagnosis of adhd, you could experience rsd.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker A:And so in business, this is so Interesting to me.
Speaker A:There's just so much here.
Speaker A:Like I'm looking at all these facts that I have.
Speaker A:There's just so much that I could share here.
Speaker A:Excuse me for being a little all over the place because I should have probably had this a little bit more organized.
Speaker A:But here's what's very interesting.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker A:This is the one I wanted to find.
Speaker A:I knew there was one I wanted to share with you.
Speaker A:Hello.
Speaker A:ADHD brain imaging studies.
Speaker A:This is from the times.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker A: A: Speaker A:Perceived rejection, like even a negative facial expression, the insula and anterior cingulate cortex acc.
Speaker A:The pain and emotional threat centers light up more intensely while the pre forefrontal cortex, which is your emotional regulator, tends to underperform.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:So this is so interesting that, you know, again, I think what's so important about ADHD and all of these things is just understanding that it's not, you're not doing anything wrong.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:It's that your brain is truly wired differently.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker A:And what it looks like.
Speaker A:So let's talk about what RSD looks like.
Speaker A:It can look like an intense emotional response that can outlast and vastly exceed, exceed the severity of the triggering event.
Speaker A:It can include emotional outbursts, shutting down, obsessive rumination, catastrophizing.
Speaker A:Catastrophizing?
Speaker A:Is that a word?
Speaker A:Yeah, I mean, I guess that's how you say it.
Speaker A:Over delivering people pleasing and avoidance of situations with rejection risk.
Speaker A:This is something that is very interesting because I, when I first heard about rejection syndrome, I was like, I don't have that.
Speaker A:Like I don't have any trouble following up with people like, like what's the worst that they're going to say is no.
Speaker A:However, I do have this over obsessive rumination and here's where it plays out massively in my business.
Speaker A:And I just posted about this on Threads a couple days ago that there's this story which I consider a story in my head which I now know is rejection syndrome or rejection sensitivity.
Speaker A:Is that like if I have a really great discovery call with somebody, I have a really great conversation with somebody.
Speaker A:They tell me they're interested, they're all set, they're ready to sign up.
Speaker A:I have, I send the contract or I give them the link to buy into the program.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:So like let's say this recently happened.
Speaker A:I had a really great conversation with a brand new one to one client.
Speaker A:She was all set.
Speaker A:She was like, this sounds fantastic.
Speaker A:I'm so excited.
Speaker A:I sent her the contract and she didn't sign it right away, right?
Speaker A:Like it day went by, she didn't sign it.
Speaker A:So I start obsessing, right?
Speaker A:This is where this obsessive rumination is like, did she change her mind?
Speaker A:Did I say something?
Speaker A:Did she decide?
Speaker A:Did she end up talking with other people?
Speaker A:Maybe she didn't, she read the contract.
Speaker A:Maybe there was something in the contract that she didn't like.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:I mean, maybe, maybe she changed her mind.
Speaker A:Do I need to reach out to her?
Speaker A:Maybe I should, you know, maybe I should tell her, like I should over deliver.
Speaker A:This is where the over delivering comes in.
Speaker A:Maybe I should tell her that I'll give her extra calls.
Speaker A:You know, this is where it shows up so big for me, right?
Speaker A:Is this like perceived rejection?
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:And the perceived rejection is that they didn't sign or they didn't take that next action.
Speaker A:Well, they didn't take the next action in the time frame that my brain decided they should do it.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:It's not that she.
Speaker A:First of all, this client's in Australia.
Speaker A:We are 13 and a half hours difference.
Speaker A:Like that's crazy.
Speaker A:Like by the time I sent it, she was probably sleeping.
Speaker A:She rescues little baby kangaroos.
Speaker A:So like she's busy, she's got her hands full.
Speaker A:She also has adhd.
Speaker A:We talked about this, right?
Speaker A:So it's like, this has nothing to do with me, right?
Speaker A:Again, it has nothing to do with me.
Speaker A:And so it was.
Speaker A:This is where this comes in.
Speaker A:And I find this all the time is just, I.
Speaker A:This is something that I really struggle with.
Speaker A:So the rejection sensitivity is not necessarily for me and asking for the sale or sending a follow up message or, you know, even recently I sent a link for the Missing Link, the framework, the new program that I talked about in the last episode.
Speaker A:I sent it to somebody who I thought, you know, this would be a great fit for her.
Speaker A:And she ended up coming back and saying like, hey, I'm in this other program right now.
Speaker A:I don't want to change my focus.
Speaker A:You know, again, like that doesn't trigger me.
Speaker A:It's just like, okay, cool.
Speaker A:She didn't say no, she just said, I'm in this other.
Speaker A:And I get that again, so it's not that.
Speaker A:And this is what I think is so important is that this shows up differently for everybody, right?
Speaker A:And this can show up so different in, you know, different scenarios, different situations with different people.
Speaker A:All right?
Speaker A:And so that is where it shows up for me, is this, this obsessive rumination of replaying.
Speaker A:Like what did I say, what did I do, what did I, you know, all the things, did they change their mind, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker A:And so it's, it's crazy to me, right?
Speaker A:But here's how RSD can show up in your business.
Speaker A:ADHD or not is avoiding follow up because you don't want to feel annoying or you don't want to hear the word no, right?
Speaker A:Like that's a big one.
Speaker A:Is avoiding the follow up because you're afraid of.
Speaker A:You don't want to hear the word no over delivering.
Speaker A:So clients never feel disappointed.
Speaker A:That's another really big one, is over delivering.
Speaker A:So clients never feel disappointed.
Speaker A:That's me right there.
Speaker A:That's probably the biggest one.
Speaker A:I struggle with delaying launches or delaying putting an offer out there to avoid a potential no quitting too soon when something doesn't gain traction immediately.
Speaker A:This one I used to struggle with.
Speaker A:This one I don't struggle with so much anymore.
Speaker A:I've worked through this because I realized that like this constant bouncing or gaining traction immediately, like it just doesn't happen that way.
Speaker A:Like that's just business.
Speaker A:And I think the more you, the longer you're in business, the more you start to work through some of that.
Speaker A:And then here's the stories, right?
Speaker A:So here's how those are the ways that it shows up.
Speaker A:And then here's some stories in your head that RSD creates is if they don't respond, they must hate me.
Speaker A:I must have done something wrong, right?
Speaker A:Like that's the one that I get all the time in my head.
Speaker A:Again, like, same thing.
Speaker A:She didn't sign the contract.
Speaker A:She didn't buy the link.
Speaker A:She didn't say yet.
Speaker A:You know, they must not like me.
Speaker A:I must have done something wrong.
Speaker A:They must have changed their mind.
Speaker A:They must have decided this isn't the right fit.
Speaker A:They must decided they wanted something more.
Speaker A:They probably talked to somebody else, right?
Speaker A:If somebody unsubscribes or unfollows, then my message must be wrong.
Speaker A:I must have irritated them.
Speaker A:Again, I think the longer area in business that one can tend to go away because you just realize like that's just life.
Speaker A:That's just people.
Speaker A:If they say, no, I'm not good enough and they it ties to your worth, right?
Speaker A:And it has really nothing truly to do with your worth or not being good enough or your offer not being good enough.
Speaker A:But again, these are the stories that it creates and they are very real stories for people that have RSD and struggle with rsd.
Speaker A:So Here's a few workarounds that I have found that have been helpful that I think could, you know, try.
Speaker A:It is neutral data tracking.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:Like, again, this is where I say fact versus emotion.
Speaker A:This is what I always encourage my clients is just to get information.
Speaker A:Just take feedback as feedback and neutralize it.
Speaker A:And if a no is there, it's just information.
Speaker A:It's not an identity.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:It's an answer.
Speaker A:A no is an answer.
Speaker A:It doesn't mean anything about you.
Speaker A:It very likely most often means something to do with the other person, but it has nothing to do with you.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker A:And then reframe that rejection of.
Speaker A:It's not about.
Speaker A:It's about timing, it's about budget or fit.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Not your worth.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Like, take the personalization out of it.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker A:I also, I find this.
Speaker A:And one of the best ways that I have found to do this is when I get a no.
Speaker A:If they don't explain why.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Or in a way that I feel like gives me an answer, I will often ask them, do you mind sharing with me why this isn't a good fit for you right now?
Speaker A:Or why you chose to go a different direction or why you said yes to somebody else and you would be surprised at how many people would answer.
Speaker A:And most of the time it's, again, it has, every time I've asked that question, almost always it has nothing to do with me or my worth or my program or it's.
Speaker A:It's simply like, ah, the timing just doesn't work right now or whatever.
Speaker A:It's always something like, it's really often never.
Speaker A:It's not about you.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:It's not about you.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker A:You can create scripts or templates for follow up so your emotion doesn't run the show.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:You just, it's like you're kind of like checking the box again.
Speaker A:Obviously you want to put some emotional charge into it.
Speaker A:You want to put your own messaging, you want to put your own tone of voice in there.
Speaker A:You don't want it to sound robotic.
Speaker A:But here's the other one is that I think is really helpful.
Speaker A:And this is a, a suggestion I gave to a client who really struggles with rsd and she had a lot of people to follow up with.
Speaker A:It was simple people that like, showed interest in what she was offering, but she was so hesitant to send the DMs because she was so afraid of, you know, she just feared our, you know, rejection.
Speaker A:And so I told her she has a, a teenage daughter.
Speaker A:And I said, what if you just gave your daughter A script, a follow up script and a list of names.
Speaker A:And you just had her send them on your behalf, Right?
Speaker A:This is where you could bring in a va, a niece, a nephew, parent, whatever, it doesn't matter.
Speaker A:A daughter, son, who can just do this without it removes you from the situation.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:Remove yourself from the situation and just let somebody else do it for you.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker A:That's another easy one to do is like it again, it's just somebody else is doing it and you're not letting the emotions run the show.
Speaker A:And then surround yourself with support and accountability.
Speaker A:Others that will remind you that like this rejection is not personal.
Speaker A:The rejection is simply just not a good fit.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Again, it has nothing to do with you.
Speaker A:And you can just.
Speaker A:When you surround yourself with those people, that's going to be very helpful.
Speaker A:Is that constant reminder to yourself of like, it's not me, right?
Speaker A:This is not about me and why you need to address this.
Speaker A:Rsd, if you feel like this, maybe you've never even heard of this term for a long time.
Speaker A:I had never even heard of this term either.
Speaker A:And again, when you hear rejection sensitivity, you immediately think, oh, you're.
Speaker A:You fear rejection of like the.
Speaker A:No, but I was shocked at like all the ways it shows up.
Speaker A:I was listening to a book the other day as well and she.
Speaker A:In the book, the author mentioned that it also shows up in like getting defensive.
Speaker A:And I find this with my husband a lot.
Speaker A:He'll say something like, I don't know, it'll be something silly and he's just making a statement.
Speaker A:And I immediately assume that he's making it about me, that I'm not good enough, that I didn't do it.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:That I didn't do that, you know?
Speaker A:And so I start getting super defensive and his response is always like, it was just a statement.
Speaker A:Like I, it wasn't against you.
Speaker A:I didn't mean that in any way towards you.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Like you don't have to get so defensive.
Speaker A:And it's.
Speaker A:That again, it shows up in these, these ways that you just.
Speaker A:And it creates this outburst, right?
Speaker A:It creates this emotional outburst for me.
Speaker A:It creates this over explanation, this over rumination, replaying the conversation.
Speaker A:What did I say?
Speaker A:How did I say it?
Speaker A:Did I mess this up?
Speaker A:You know, there's just this, a lot that goes on with that.
Speaker A:And so it's not always just about like asking somebody for something and hearing a no.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:There's so many different ways that RSD shows up.
Speaker A:And I think just understanding, like learning about it, like Do a little bit more research on it.
Speaker A:Again, there's only so much I can share on this podcast, but I think just, you know, doing some research on it can be very helpful for you and just finding ways to work through it.
Speaker A:So, like, a lot of times now, like, when I know that I've got this story in my head about, like, when somebody doesn't sign a contract or doesn't click the link, like, give it a couple days.
Speaker A:Like, if somebody doesn't take action after, like, three to five days, then, yeah, maybe I need to follow up.
Speaker A:But if they don't take action in 24 hours, they're probably just busy.
Speaker A:Like, I didn't respond to somebody's email.
Speaker A:I think somebody emailed me last week about asking me about something, and I just was busy and didn't have time to respond.
Speaker A:And so, like, she may be on the other end of that assuming and making up all these stories, her RSD could be kicking in, assuming that, like, I'm not interested, that I don't think she's good enough, that I'm not.
Speaker A:You know, all these things, right?
Speaker A:When it's just, I'm busy.
Speaker A:And so if this is why it's so important to address this RSD in your business is because left unchecked, right?
Speaker A:Like, left not doing it, it's going to keep you from selling, it's going to keep you from marketing.
Speaker A:It's going to keep you from showing up and growing, right?
Speaker A:And working around it helps you to build resistance and work.
Speaker A:It builds confidence, right?
Speaker A:Again, like, the more do it, the more you work with it.
Speaker A:So, like, even with this rsd, it's like, nope, don't say anything.
Speaker A:Don't reach out to the said client about the contract.
Speaker A:Although I did, because again, like, I'm still.
Speaker A:I'm still learning.
Speaker A:But it's like, give them a couple days and don't feel like you need to do anything else, right?
Speaker A:Like, you do not owe her anything else.
Speaker A:She was good.
Speaker A:You know, all these things.
Speaker A:Like, and the more you do it, the more confidence you can have.
Speaker A:So even just setting up those little boundaries of like, nope, we don't send an email until at least three days.
Speaker A:And so you can also reframe it.
Speaker A:It's like, you know, I've done.
Speaker A:I'm really into eft tapping.
Speaker A:Like, I just started tapping my face as I was talking.
Speaker A:I was like, you know, even though I'm feeling like this person is not interested, you know, or whatever, you know, you can change that belief and you can really Kind of anchor it in and do some grounding work around it.
Speaker A:And, you know, there's things that you can do to help get through it.
Speaker A:But I think most of it is just understanding it again, like being aware of it and understanding that rejection is feedback.
Speaker A:It's not failure.
Speaker A:It's not failure.
Speaker A:Your business growth depends on how quickly you recover and move forward.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:You've got to take feedback for what it is.
Speaker A:One of the very first mentors I ever hired in my business, I'll never forget it, he always just said to me, feedback is just feedback.
Speaker A:You can take it or.
Speaker A:And do something with it, or you can take it and leave it.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:It's just feedback.
Speaker A:It can mean something or it can mean nothing.
Speaker A:And that's the truth of it.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:Like, I get feedback all the time.
Speaker A:A big.
Speaker A:I ask for feedback a lot and sometimes I do something with it and sometimes I don't.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:And same thing like rejection or somebody saying no or somebody giving you an objection or somebody that's just information.
Speaker A:It's feedback that you can utilize.
Speaker A:So you have to just try to shift that mindset a little bit.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker A:And so what I would encourage you to do is identify one area, identify one area where RSD is holding you back.
Speaker A:Whether that's launching, whether it's follow up, whether it's in creating client boundaries, right?
Speaker A:In the over delivering, in this over rumination, right?
Speaker A:And create a safety net to reduce that emotional weight.
Speaker A:So whether that's.
Speaker A:You need to create a script, whether you need a little bit of accountability, whether you need some mentorship, you need some strategy, you need a template, you need somebody else to do it, you need to outsource it, whether you just need to put in a time frame of like a buffer, a time buffer before you take any further action, right?
Speaker A:And just put in those safety nets and then track any rejection, regardless whether you feel like it's a statement that was made, whether it was a statement that wasn't made, whether, you know what I mean?
Speaker A:Like, again, whether it's like a lack of somebody taking action and just track it as a data point to understand, like, how it's affecting you.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:That's it.
Speaker A:Track it is a data point that affects you and how you handled it.
Speaker A:All right?
Speaker A:And then utilize that information to create more systems around that to help you move through it.
Speaker C:Okay?
Speaker A:And I highly recommend doing a little bit more research.
Speaker A:Again, there's so much research in this.
Speaker A:There's just.
Speaker A:There's so, so much that I.
Speaker A:You can learn on this and so, you know, one of the other things here that I'm reading, it's like, RSD can cause avoidance, but not because you're lazy or you're unprofessional, but because you're protecting yourself from emotional risk.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:That's what's really happening is that you're protecting yourself from that emotional risk, that emotion of, like, that vulnerability.
Speaker B:All right?
Speaker A:And RSD is real, but you can work with it.
Speaker A:You can work with it.
Speaker A:Just like we talked about with the executive dysfunction, just like we talked about with demand avoidance.
Speaker A:Again, the first step is being aware of it.
Speaker A:The second step is finding the workarounds.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:And the work through it type situations is how can we work through it?
Speaker A:Okay, so I hope this was helpful.
Speaker A:Maybe you're hearing this and not realizing that this was ever even a thing, but it is.
Speaker A:It's real.
Speaker A:And it.
Speaker A:It really is.
Speaker A:Like, your brain is not broken.
Speaker A:You are not.
Speaker A:You know, it's like, understand.
Speaker A:It's so powerful when we learn about the mind and we learn about the brain.
Speaker A:Because I think for so long, especially for those of us that are kind of late diagnosis and didn't realize, it's like, you just.
Speaker A:I didn't realize that, like, over ruminating wasn't something everybody did.
Speaker A:Like, I mean, my husband will say that to me.
Speaker A:He'll be like, oh, my gosh, Michelle, you're obsessing.
Speaker A:Like, let it go.
Speaker A:Like, why are we still having this conversation?
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:Why are we still having this conversation?
Speaker A:I can't tell you because I'm.
Speaker A:You know, and that now I know.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:So again, like, the more you learn, the more you can be aware and the more awareness you have, the more small changes you can make.
Speaker A:And that's what's so important here.
Speaker A:Okay, So I hope this one was helpful.
Speaker A:And if you are struggling with rsd, reach out to me.
Speaker A:Let's see if we can find some workarounds for you.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And if you found this helpful, please share this episode with somebody else who is struggling with ADHD and RSD or just RSD in general.
Speaker A:Maybe they don't know that they have adhd.
Speaker A:Again, I don't think RSD only shows up in adhd, people.
Speaker A:I know for a fact it doesn't.
Speaker A:All right, so anyways, share it, and I'll see you next week for our next episode.
Speaker B:All right?
Speaker A:I love you.
Speaker A:I believe in you, and I will talk to you soon.
